In our book, Beyond the Bliss: Discovering Your Uniqueness In Marriage, my wife Patti and I wrote:

All of us have to make some basic choices about what our life (or existence) is going to be about. The question is not whether we will choose what we want to be and do in our lives, but in what direction that choice will take us. Frankly, some choices simply work better than others due to the fact that we live in a universe that operates on the basis of moral and spiritual laws as well as physical ones.

We began this chapter talking about the need for balance when it comes to tires, garage doors, and washing machines. Referring to life issues much more serious than these, Gordon Dahl indicates the importance of existential balance when he writes:

“Most middle class Americans tend to worship their work, to work at their play and to play at their worship. As a result, their meanings and values are distorted, their relationships disintegrate faster than they can keep them in repair, and their lifestyles resemble a cast of characters in search of a plot.”[1]

This quote underscores the dramatic importance of our existential choices. Dahl seems to be suggesting in this cogent observation that the frenzied, frenetic lifestyle of most middle class Americans is due to the rapid disintegration of their most important relationships. This disintegration of their relationships is caused by a profound distortion of their meanings and values. This distortion of their meanings and values is, in turn, the direct result of a lack of existential balance when it comes to their engagement in three key activities: work, play, and worship.

Though we believe it’s also possible for people (especially church-going Christians) to be guilty of playing at their work, worshiping their play, and working at their worship, Dahl’s observation strikes us as fundamentally correct: a lack of balance when it comes to these three very basic endeavors is the root of many of the ills that plague contemporary culture, not only in America but in all western industrialized nations. Existential choices matter! A truly healthy and functional lifestyle requires that we, taking into account the way God designed the world and human beings to function, strive to achieve balance in all aspects of our lives. An imbalance in the area of our existential choices will simply ruin our lives as well as the lives of those closest to us.

The kid in the movie, The Sixth Sense, uttered the famous line: “I see dead people.” That’s not my problem. My problem is that everywhere I look I see people living unbalanced lives. Sometimes this occurs when I’m looking in the mirror!

Is this true of you, too? Something to think about.

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[1] As cited in Tim Hansel, When I Relax I Feel Guilty ((Elgin, IL: David C. Cook Publishing Co., 1979), 33.

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In yesterday’s post I referred to the fact that when I see a friend or family member I haven’t talked with for a while, I might ask if they are encouraged or discouraged at the moment. Another way to get at the same information is to inquire: “How’s your hope?”

The question may sound trite but it’s actually quite profound. I’m convinced that we human beings are wired to run on  a sense of hope. If we lose it, we’re toast.

But what is hope?

Somewhere along the way I came to think of theological hope as a confident, enthusiastic expectancy regarding the future. It’s the idea that because of who God is, what he has done, and what he is doing in my life, I have absolutely nothing to worry about. It’s all good; my future is secure!

The experience of this kind of hope is so important to the life of the Christian that the Apostle Paul made it the focus of his prayer for the believers in Rome: 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

Indeed, if you read Paul’s various letters carefully, I think you will discover that he wanted all of his readers to be filled with this sense of expectancy regarding the future.

I have a theory as to why.

In 1 Corinthians 13:13 we read: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Yes, love is the greatest virtue, but in what sense? Surely, Paul was not dissing faith and hope here, was he?

When you stop and think about it, our capacity to love in the present in based upon the hope we have regarding the future. This, in turn, is based upon our faith in what God has done for us in the past. Do we truly believe (have faith in) the message that Christ died for us and has been raised from the dead as the firstfruits of our future resurrection (1 Cor 15:20)? If so, then we will possess a truly profound kind of hope: it’s all good; our future is secure! It is this kind of confident, enthusiastic expectancy regarding our future that frees us to love in the present. We don’t have to be selfish with our time, or talents, or treasures. We can afford to be gracious toward other people. Our future is not at stake. We are not just set for life; we’re set for all of eternity! It is this kind of theological hope that frees us to be loving people. Faith, if genuine, produces hope which, in turn, frees us to love.

There is a sense in which hope functions as the anchor virtue between faith and love. It’s no wonder then that Paul talked about hope so often, even doing his best to pray it into his readers’ lives!

So, if you want to function as a more loving, gracious, generous person today, you might ask yourself: “How’s my hope? Then take a moment and give some thought as to how secure your future is in Christ. It’s all good! You can afford to be really generous toward others today. 

Now, go and do it!

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I was having dinner with a dear friend the other evening. I asked him to share with me any issues in his life that were causing him anxiety. After naming a few, he inquired as to the reason for my question.

He knows I am an intovert and don’t really do well with small talk. So he nodded in an understanding way when I explained that it’s just natural for me to ask the people I care about such questions as “Are you encouraged or discouraged today?” or “What are you anxious about right now?” This is just my way of getting down to brass tacks and discovering how I can pray for my friends and loved ones. Which I do!

In his book Walden Henry David Thoreau made the observation that “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Though Thoreau may have had the idea of resignation in mind, I think the word “desperation” covers a lot of territory and can include the dynamics of anxiety and despair. How sad, if true, that most human beings are walking around each day with low levels of anxiety rumbling beneath the surface of their conscious thoughts, motivating problematic attitudes and actions in an unnoticed way.

This is why I think it’s important for us to be in touch with what we’re anxious about. It’s only then that we can ask others to pray for us with the kind of specificity that triggers powerful responses. It’s only then that we can make the quality decision to surrender our anxiety to God a la Philippians 4:6 and experience his peace instead.

So, I ask you what I ask all my friends: What are you anxious about today?

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I lost sleep last night because I thought of someone I wronged a long time ago and now have no hope of finding so as to express my regret. (Don’t even remember the person’s name!) Has this ever happened to you? Please pray for me to find a way to do the right thing. Second, I want to pray for you. Feel free to let me know how I can do so. You matter to me (jerk that I can be sometimes). Blessings.

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Christians believe that being reconciled to Christ should lead to their being reconciled to others. Christ is the great peacemaker. But isn’t it also true that our being reconciled to someone we’ve been estranged from can lead to their being reconciled to Christ through us? Hmm. Are we Christians always as eager to experience reconcilation with others as we should be? Worth thinking about, don’t you agree?

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In Christ’s Empowering Presence (my third book) I indicate that the first thing I do each day is prayerfully recite the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. I learned this from Dallas Willard. It helps me begin the day centered in Christ. Other suggestions?

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